SET YOUR GOALS AND INTENTION

The more you practice the techniques the more they can be available as calming tools when you need them. For example, when you feel your muscles tensing; when your breathing is rapid and shallow; when you are anxious before public speaking; when your emotions are turbulent; and, when you can’t fall asleep.

Try following these four suggestions: Realize the importance of these practices and make them a priority. Establish the habit of integrating them into your daily life on a regular basis. Overcome the feeling of failure due to the distracting thoughts and feelings that inevitably occur in the process. Push aside the belief that you do not have enough time to add such activities in your busy schedule.

GET STARTED

In order to get started, you need to realize the importance of relaxation response inner moments so that they are given priority over other competing interests and activities. It is well documented that high stress over a period of time is bad for body, mind, and spirit.4 Excessive stress drains energy. It weakens the immune system and thereby exposes the body to physical ailments such as high blood pressure, heart disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, and degenerative diseases. It can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, lack of concentration, and a build up of anger. We feel out of control, powerless, and helpless when stress dominates our lives. Too much stress can put pressure on families leading to serious emotional problems among partners and with children. There is less time to smell the flowers, to follow your bliss.

SHOW UP

It is not easy to introduce a new habit that involves looking inwards in a disciplined way. First you must put your body in the time and place designated. To carve a time for yourself and being there is quite an achievement. It is a truism: one of the most important things in life is showing up!  Keeping to a specific time frame will increase your self-esteem as well! 5

For example, as a competitive swimmer in college, going to practice often was the last thing I wanted to do. The swimming season is in the winter. The prospect of walking to the gym in the cold temperature, taking a shower, and then diving in the cold water was not inviting. But I knew that if I simply moved my body to take the necessary steps, walk to the gym, undress, shower, put on my bathing suit, walk into the pool area, sit on a bench, and then stand on the diving platform at the edge of the pool, there was no way to turn back from diving into the waters and starting my practice.

One way to establish the habit of showing up is to follow the “21 day” rule. Experts in the motivational field have advised trainees to stay with a desired new routine daily for approximately 21 days without judging whether you like it or not. This is the average time period for a practice to develop into a habit. After this time frame is completed, the behavior often becomes automatic, like brushing your teeth every day without even thinking.

PREPARE YOURSLF

Assuming that you can establish a regular time, the next hurdle is to stay with the process long enough time to receive benefits. Most people give up because they can’t concentrate. They are unable to control their minds and become frustrated.

Realize that it is totally unrealistic to expect total freedom from distracting thoughts and feelings. What was known thousands of years ago in India as set forth in ancient scripture is still true today:

                        “For the mind, O Krishna, is restless, turbulent, powerful,
                          and obstinate. To control it is as hard, it seems to me,
                          as to control the wind.”6

                          Vivekenanda, an enlightened Indian yogi, later, in
                           the twentieth century, said:

                          “How hard it is to control the mind! Well has it been
                            compared to a maddened monkey”.7  

Social psychologists tell us that the average person has approximately twenty five thousand to seventy two thousand thoughts a day. Furthermore, the majority of these thoughts are repetitive.8 Thoughts are not controlled by a faucet that can be turned on and off instantaneously. Being free from thoughts does not mean stopping them.    Rather than wrestling with thoughts, learn to coexist with them. When unwanted thoughts inevitably arise become aware of them at some point in time. At that juncture, gently and without self blame or judgment let them go, and return to the technique. Imagine distracting thoughts as clouds appearing and drifting away. Or that these thoughts are birds in the air above you: you can’t stop them from flying, but you can avoid letting them build a nest in your hair! 9

Before you get started, why not give yourself a pep talk?  Here are three examples of self-talk that have proved to be effective for me, my clients, and my students:

                  1. Repeat a statement of intent that carves out a period of time to
                       simply be in the present moment. This lessens guilt feelings for
                       taking time to move from a state of doing to a state of being.
                       It solidifies and clarifies intent. It reminds you that it is OK to
                       receive, to take time to nourish yourself.

                         “This is my time for the next five minutes. I deserve, permit,
                           and allow myself these precious moments. I am receptive to
                           creative ideas coming from the universal intuitive mind. I can
                           solve my problems by not thinking about them. I cherish this
                           time to free myself and empty myself from repetitive thoughts.
                           I draw a temporary curtain shutting out thoughts of the past
                           and future.”

                   2. Add the dimension of deep breathing and visualization.

                       This next self suggestion statement encourages dominion over
                       distracting thoughts and feelings not by forcing them away but
                       by acknowledging them and addressing them in the near future.
                       This centering exercise can be used entirely or in part. It can be
                       said prior to your relaxation response choice or be itself your
                       relaxation response activity.

                       “I take a moment to be here.
                         I let my eyes gently close.
                         I take a deep relaxing breath
                         And breathe in calm energy
                         And breathe out tension, fatigue, and worry.
                         With each breath I become more truly here.
                         Any thoughts or feelings that flow my mind
                         I just notice and let go.
                         Any issues that need further thought
                         I choose to put away for now and come back to later.
                         My body, mind, and spirit is peaceful and in harmony.”10

                 3.  In the following affirmation, which might take place prior to
                      a spiritually- based meditation, an intention is clearly stated.
                      A mood of receptivity is set. The fact that there will be
                      intervening thoughts is acknowledged. The expectations are
                      that at some moments in the spaces between thoughts an
                      intuitive spiritual connection might occur. The benefits might
                      occur in the meditation experience or at some later time.

                         “I am sitting here to make a connection with the source of
                           infinite love, life, intelligence, peace, and wisdom within
                           me. I am tired of listening to my own limited human thoughts.
                           In moments of stillness between the empty spaces between
                           thoughts, I ‘open out a way where my imprisoned splendor
                           may escape’11. I listen for the ‘still small voice’” 12

It is helpful to realize that uninvited thoughts and feelings can have a positive function in emptying the mind. Emptying the mind of thoughts allows more space in the mind, lightens the mind. The word “lighten” is part of the word “enlightenment”. So when uninvited thoughts inevitably invade your relaxation time frame, do not be hard on yourself. Appreciate that you are opening up more space in your mind for the creative ideas you want, at the time of your chosen technique, or at a later time subsequent to your quiet time. Thus, some uninvited thoughts from the depths of empty spaces of relaxation can bring to us fresh ideas, insights, intuition, creativity, and guidance.

Another consideration in implementing relaxation response activities into your daily schedule is to appreciate that it is in your self-interest to do so. We often fear that taking the time off, however briefly, to go inward, will cause us to lose time and therefore impede immediate and future goals. Performance anxiety sets in. The truth is that the time expended to relax and be peaceful will make the work that you are concerned about more efficient and productive. A recent article in Yoga Journal addressed the benefits of slowing down when faced with the pressure of accomplishing tasks:

“If you really want to speed things up, you have to slow down first….by slowing down I became more relaxed and clear. I was able to trust my intuition and choose the best steps for the projects that truly resonated with my highest aspirations.”13

                    

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